So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
