just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I believe in your delicious
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
