Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
