can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Text me some of your sweat
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
