I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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