piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
