He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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