so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
