there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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