She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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