THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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