well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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