OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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