so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
