she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
