You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
