I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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