You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
