Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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