Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
