Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
