we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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