Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
