Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Vodka?
Forever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
