Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
