Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
