I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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