home. puking in laundry basket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
