i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
