you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
