Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
