I puked a lego.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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