I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
