She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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