Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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