you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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