Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
