I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
