My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
