Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
