why didn't you poke me back
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
