Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
