Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
