I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Everyone says I win the strip club
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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