I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
