I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
