I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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