I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
