he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
