i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
