I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
