My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
